You see, my birthday falls smack in the middle of Chanukah. When it isn't right in the thick of the holiday, it's perilously close. Growing up with a birthday this time of year pretty much sucked. I got one gift for two occasions. I always felt cheated from my fair share of the loot. All my friends got gifts twice a year, while poor little me only got gifts once.
To make matters worse for my wounded inner child, I also share my birthday with my mother. Fantastic and special you might think. NOT. Birthdays are a big deal to my mother. So, on our birthday, it was all about what she wanted. Sure, I had birthday parties and the like, but only once or twice did I ever get a cake with only my name on it. The day was never solely about making it special for me. (I can see the narcissism dripping from my fingertips as I write this.)
Is it too much to ask for a Chanukah gift for Chanukah and a birthday gift for my birthday? And if I could make a birthday wish, I would just want it to be a day like no other. Sleeping in, breakfast in bed, maybe a massage at a spa, the phones turned off, and some cuddle time with my wonderful husband and sweet cuddly boy. Nothing too fancy. G-d knows I've tried, but any call, email, letter, or package from my mother no matter how innocuous sends me into a tailspin. I need to face it: the perfect birthday is just not going to happen.
I guess I've compensated by drowning my son with birthday and Chanukah gifts. Ironically, I haven't been able to contain myself from letting him have his gifts immediately, so I'm not even sure he'll have something to unwrap each night of Chanukah. This year, I feel fortunate that my husband is sending me away on the last night of Chanukah for a weekend trip with two of my BFFs. But is this a Chanukah gift or a birthday gift?
I swore to my husband that if I ever became pregnant and the due date landed on my birthday, I would schedule a C-section to spare my child from this sad fate. Well, my son was born in September. I may have managed to avoid sharing his birthday, but some years it will land on Rosh Hashana or Yom Kippur. I hope he handles it better than I do.
HI - I am Cara's mom ---as we get older we forget --Cara had a birthday cake and a party every year. When she was young she received Hanukkah and birthday gifts.....she really forgot how everyone spoiled her. If she would like--I can send her a picture of everyone of her birthdays with her own cake.
ReplyDeleteHi!
ReplyDeleteI am Cara's friend from the time she was 6, so I got a chance to experience a few of her parties! But I do know how she feels as my brother's birthday is in December too and my husband is a twin (he complains he never got the type of cake he wanted cause his mom never remembered who liked what).
Sandy- we love you!
Cara- we love you too!
From one who almost had life taken away from her and never thought she would see the other side of 40- embrace life, enjoy every birthday and knowing you are alive and put the past behind- and make the most of the future. Happy early Birthday to both of you!
Love,
Pamela
You absolutely deserve a day to yourself and don't ever feel guilty for wanting that! My birthday is Dec. 2, right smack between Thanksgiving and Christmas, so I get it. I usually opened Birthday gifts after Thanksgiving dinner and it drove me nuts. Last year for my birthday my husband took the day off and I went out for coffee and thrift shopping all by myself, which was my wish. As mothers and wives we spend a lot of emotional, physical, and mental energy on what others in our family need from us. A day off from that responsibility (let's face it, even when we're "off" we're actually "on") is a priceless gift from anyone who helps us to facilitate it.
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